This blog is in response to an article at http://www.sweetsharing.com/ordeal-rajdhani-express/ . A Facebook friend of mine shared this article on his page and understandably there was a large number of people expressing disgust at the experience of the woman who had to undergo this ordeal.
Such an episode is not an unusual isolated event. Whenever I traveled with my family comprising of my sisters and mother, I encountered such behavior. This experience is echoed by every woman I have talked to in India.
Misbehavior with women at public places cannot be so pervasive if most of us were not engaging in it in some way. I agree that most of the people reading this blog do not behave like the people the author of the above mentioned article has written; please keep reading and you will see how all of us Indians are culpable. Misbehavior with women in public places to school yard bullying, which has been my area of personal research. In bullying, there are three players: the bully, the victim, and the by-stander. Most of we Indians are enabling by-standers.
When I started analyzing this mind boggling pervasiveness of misbehavior towards women, I was startled by the presence of such behavior in my immediate surrounding. Reading this article was a surreal experience as I have a recent experience which explains what ails India.
I was at a social event. There were a few Indian families with small children. At the party, one very educated person was non-stop cracking sexual jokes. He was fascinated by a place of prostitution in the US. I was watching the reaction of other people around me which varied from minor annoyance to glee. This person's wife was very embarrassed but helpless. I did register a protest but I feel that it was too weak and I feel bad about it. I have taken a pledge that if I have to face it again, I will be more forceful in expressing my displeasure. I feel that the "by-standers" at the party had done a poor job. I am also aware of my meek response; such sexual bantering is considered harmless and my stronger response would have been considered rude to a fellow guest.
Most of us will identify with this situation. Among us Indian men, among the most educated and affluent, it is a common practice to talk about women in disrespectful manner. I have found men, who are blessed with daughters, making sexual jokes about their female colleagues. The author notes that all the men harassing her during her ordeal were married. That is no surprise.
What I find astounding is that how we do not see how "harmless sexual bantering" by some progresses to full fledged sexual harassment by somebody else who is more criminally inclined. As we know, until recently, minor bullying in schools was considered a natural part of growing up. Now research has established it is the minor bullying that graduates to more severe form of bullying that has led to many suicides recently.
If we wish to stop sexual harassment of women we need to start with our immediate surrounding which I call our sphere of influence. We need to have zero tolerance for our sons, brothers, friends who make disparaging jokes about other women. Every mother needs to have a word with her sons and every sister needs to have a word with her brothers.
I had a heart breaking experience when I visited my nephew's school in Katihar, Bihar. I was giving training to the teachers on bully prevention. The school principal had invited few senior boys and girls to attend the session. One after another girl got up and complained about the sexual harassment they were subjected to in the school. Later the administrator shared with me that there was a boy in the school who had a sister in the same school and against the boy there were several complaints of misbehavior against girls; and interestingly while the boy was harassing other girls, his sister was being harassed as well. To make it even more interesting, the boy was upset at his sister being harassed.
The predicament of the boy and his sister is a representation of why misbehavior with women is so pervasive. Large numbers of us are bullies, large number of us are victims, and all of us are contributing to this scourge by being bad by-standers. The "bad" is a spectrum comprising from those who actively encourage to those who remain passive when they witness an act of disrespect. An act of disrespect is not only when a woman is physically harmed, a sexual remark by an educated person directed towards any woman whether a female colleague or a prostitute is equally bad. We need to be "by-standers" with conscience and zero tolerance in our sphere of influence. The rest of India will fix itself.
Such an episode is not an unusual isolated event. Whenever I traveled with my family comprising of my sisters and mother, I encountered such behavior. This experience is echoed by every woman I have talked to in India.
Misbehavior with women at public places cannot be so pervasive if most of us were not engaging in it in some way. I agree that most of the people reading this blog do not behave like the people the author of the above mentioned article has written; please keep reading and you will see how all of us Indians are culpable. Misbehavior with women in public places to school yard bullying, which has been my area of personal research. In bullying, there are three players: the bully, the victim, and the by-stander. Most of we Indians are enabling by-standers.
When I started analyzing this mind boggling pervasiveness of misbehavior towards women, I was startled by the presence of such behavior in my immediate surrounding. Reading this article was a surreal experience as I have a recent experience which explains what ails India.
I was at a social event. There were a few Indian families with small children. At the party, one very educated person was non-stop cracking sexual jokes. He was fascinated by a place of prostitution in the US. I was watching the reaction of other people around me which varied from minor annoyance to glee. This person's wife was very embarrassed but helpless. I did register a protest but I feel that it was too weak and I feel bad about it. I have taken a pledge that if I have to face it again, I will be more forceful in expressing my displeasure. I feel that the "by-standers" at the party had done a poor job. I am also aware of my meek response; such sexual bantering is considered harmless and my stronger response would have been considered rude to a fellow guest.
Most of us will identify with this situation. Among us Indian men, among the most educated and affluent, it is a common practice to talk about women in disrespectful manner. I have found men, who are blessed with daughters, making sexual jokes about their female colleagues. The author notes that all the men harassing her during her ordeal were married. That is no surprise.
What I find astounding is that how we do not see how "harmless sexual bantering" by some progresses to full fledged sexual harassment by somebody else who is more criminally inclined. As we know, until recently, minor bullying in schools was considered a natural part of growing up. Now research has established it is the minor bullying that graduates to more severe form of bullying that has led to many suicides recently.
If we wish to stop sexual harassment of women we need to start with our immediate surrounding which I call our sphere of influence. We need to have zero tolerance for our sons, brothers, friends who make disparaging jokes about other women. Every mother needs to have a word with her sons and every sister needs to have a word with her brothers.
I had a heart breaking experience when I visited my nephew's school in Katihar, Bihar. I was giving training to the teachers on bully prevention. The school principal had invited few senior boys and girls to attend the session. One after another girl got up and complained about the sexual harassment they were subjected to in the school. Later the administrator shared with me that there was a boy in the school who had a sister in the same school and against the boy there were several complaints of misbehavior against girls; and interestingly while the boy was harassing other girls, his sister was being harassed as well. To make it even more interesting, the boy was upset at his sister being harassed.
The predicament of the boy and his sister is a representation of why misbehavior with women is so pervasive. Large numbers of us are bullies, large number of us are victims, and all of us are contributing to this scourge by being bad by-standers. The "bad" is a spectrum comprising from those who actively encourage to those who remain passive when they witness an act of disrespect. An act of disrespect is not only when a woman is physically harmed, a sexual remark by an educated person directed towards any woman whether a female colleague or a prostitute is equally bad. We need to be "by-standers" with conscience and zero tolerance in our sphere of influence. The rest of India will fix itself.
No comments:
Post a Comment